Warnings: uhm crying Dan and bad memories and sadness.
Disclaimer: I do not own Amazingphil or danisnotonfire and this is fictional.
A/N: Well, you all wanted to know what the deal was with Zak...... I'm sorry for the rambling in this chapter. .-.
Phil smiled nervously, wringing his hands a bit. Anatomy class was a free period that day, and he decided it was the perfect chance to talk to Dan about something that he was kind of bothered about.
After all, they'd been friends over over a month now, and Dan was becoming a lot more open about his feelings and things like that. Phil felt like he had the right to know the answer to his question.
"Oh, hi, Dan," Phil nodded when the brunette sat down, getting a bright smile and a wave in return, "Study hall today.... I was kind of hoping we could talk about something. Is that okay?"
Dan blinked at the blue eyed boy next to him, raising his eyebrows as if he was asking what was Phil. Phil looked.... Nervous. Worried.
Phil shook his head, insisting, "Nothing's wrong, don't worry.... I was just, uh, wondering something and I think I should ask about it."
Luckily, Phil was slowly starting to understand all of Dan's expressions by this time. It had been hard at first, but it was second-nature now.
Dan nodded, blinking his dark eyes twice more, grabbing his spare notebook and flipping to a clean page before turning to give Phil his full attention. He had a feeling this might require writing his answers..... It seemed pretty serious, as far as he could tell.
"Why don't you talk? Some of the other kids said you used to, but you just stopped..... Why?"
The question made all of the color drain from Dan's face, the trusting look in his eyes morphing into something nervous and a bit distraught. That was the one thing he didn't want to have to explain just yet..... Not until he was sure Phil wouldn't think he was stupid.
Why's it matter?
Dan pointed to the simple question he had scribbled, glancing down before finding the courage to meet Phil's eyes.
Phil frowned, looking around the classroom quickly, kin of afraid someone could overhear. He knew Dan didn't like other people listening to their conversations....
"It matters because I care about you and I want to know," the raven haired boy answered softly, "I'm curious and concerned, Dan."
Sighing, Dan trapped his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on it worriedly. Somewhere deep inside, he knew he trusted Phil enough. Of course he wanted to tell him.... he was just afraid he'd burst into tears or something..... in the middle of freaking anatomy class.
My best friend died a few years ago. Never got to say goodbye.
Phil took in a sharp breath, feeling a wave of guilt crash over him. The last thing he wanted to do was bring back memories that he knew had to be painful, but he knew he had to push the issue just a little more.
"I'm so sorry.... That's why you don't talk?" Phil whispered, reading the words over and over again. Maybe if he glared at them hard enough, they'd rearrange into something a lot less awful....
Yeah. If I don't say hello, I won't have to worry about saying goodbye. Don't wanna get too close to anyone. Don't wanna relive that, Phil. You changed me a little, but still.
At first, Phil was sure he was only hearing things when something that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle came from the seat next to his. When he saw a tear drop onto the page of the notebook, though, he knew he wasn't just imagining things.
Phil's arms wrapped around Dan before he could even think about it, pulling the younger boy into his chest.
As expected, Dan tensed up quite a bit at first, but the brunette soon found himself melting into the embrace, clinging to Phil like a lifeline. He just wanted to forget about what happened to Zak, but he couldn't.
What he hadn't told Phil was that the reason Zak died was his fault. Well, indirectly, anyway. They were supposed to be having a sleepover, but they got into a big fight over something really stupid. Zak called his mum just after it had gotten dark and she came to pick him up.
Less than an hour later, Dan's parents got a call from Zak's dad. He said there had been a pretty bad accident.... Zak's mum was in the hospital, but she was in pretty bad shape. And Zak.... Well, Zak's side of the car was hit. He was crushed from the impact, basically, and died before the medics even arrived.
So, if Dan hadn't argued, Zak would still be around. It was all his fault and he was terrified to make friends because of it. He'd just ruin everything and lose them in the end.
"It's okay, Dan...." Phil murmured, running his fingers through Dan's hair and using his free hand to rub the other boy's back. Dan was crying hard now, silent sobs making him tremble, his tears wetting the center of Phil's t shirt. Some of the other kids were staring, but Phil didn't care. He had to help his friend.... His best friend.
Even though he felt really awful about even bringing the subject up in the first place, Phil was kind of glad he did. Now that he knew what was really wrong, maybe he could help.
At the very least, he could be there if Dan needed to talk..... Okay, maybe that wasn't the best choice of words, but still. If Dan needed to vent, he'd be there. If Dan needed comfort, he'd be there.
That's what friends were for, after all. All of the feelings Phil was finally ready to admit he felt for Dan could be pushed aside for now. Most importantly, they were friends, and friends were there for each other.